"How's the new job?"

It's been humbling and revealing.

In a lot of ways Target isn't what I had anticipated it to be. I thought I would be holding a clip board the whole time, doing interviews and delegating. And yeah, I do that but I work alongside the team a lot more than I thought I would. Black Friday was tough. 10 or so hours of folding/hanging clothes and making sure the store looked okay. I wanted to cry. I've never done physical labor and I was indignant because "I'm so much better than that." Okay, I would never say "I'm better" but I act like I am with my reluctance and attitude. When I was training I was embarrassed to be seen with clothes in my hand. Every time I saw a customer walk by I wanted to grab a clip board, chuckle and say "no, no, I manage." Blah. what an ugly, proud heart. Good leaders are not above people. They work alongside them.

At first I loved what I was learning. I saw that I needed to grow in humility, and although the job isn't intellectually stimulating, it's relationally challenging. But when I went home for Thanksgiving, people told me I'm overqualified and I should look for another job. Since then I've been less content because I feel like I'm not maximizing my potential. I'm at a job where I'm not using my education. Team leaders don't need a college degree. They get the position by working at Target for 4 years and proving they can run the sales floor.

Executive Team Leaders (ETL) are assistant managers. They're the out of store hires with college degrees. Yes, everyone tells me I should be an ETL. The district manager and my ETL are looking to get me promoted in a few months. But is my career goal in store management? The highest position I foresee is becoming a district manager and I'm not sure that's my 5 year plan. Okay, I don't even have a one year plan but I'm arrogant or delusional enough to think I'd make a great VP at some brand name corporation one day. I want to be the person that smoozes with clients, attends company parties and approves big picture ideas. Sparkle and glamour but what can I say? I struggle with superficiality.

Problem is I'm entry level and everyone does leg work for a few years. It would take me 15 years to get there and I'm impatient. But than I think about all the other Berkeley grads that aren't "maximizing their potential" and they love their job. I don't even know what that phrase means. Potential needs to be cultivated whether it's potential to be social, intellectual, to be a good dancer, musician, a good businessman, whatever. People can always grow in every area. It's what we have time for and what we choose to invest in.

Is it worth it?

Is it worth it to invest so much in developing myself professionally? In becoming the best businesswoman I can be? Matthew comes to mind. "For where your treasure is there your heart will be also." But it's more complicated than that. Biblically, we don't deserve anything but physical labor. I should be thankful for a job. At the same time, I don't need to be blind to my skills and capabilities. A job is a job. We can glorify God with whatever we do if we do it on to Him. There's a whole lot of room for justifications there, I know.

We'll see. I'm playing with the though of moving to New York next year and pursuing a career in fashion. It flitters though my head every once in a while. I would totally get fire from church people though... hehe