Red and Khaki

I only see in red and khaki now, which is fairly depressing because I'm not inclined towards those colors. I hate khaki pants, actually I don't like wearing pants in general. Dresses are wonderful.

I'm going to be a team leader in the apparel section of the Novato Target. It's pretty far - 36 miles away. But I complain more about the uniform than I do about the distance. Typical. Here's the job description:

• Evaluate performance, write and conduct reviews, recommend and administer counseling and corrective action.
• Provide coaching, recognition and feedback to improve team member and specialist performance.
• Help to select, hire and retain high-caliber team members
• Respond to backup cashier requests
• Ensure merchandise is pulled and stock
• Ensure ads and sales planners are set on time and maintained

It's basically in-store management. But it's a step in the direction of working in apparel and I think I may like it. I'll update more as I go through training. But for now, I'm on the look out for red and khaki clothes

Cafe Du Nord

Spontaneous trip to Cafe Du Nord with Christine Myung. Got to see some pretty darn amazing artists - Gabe Bondoc, Goh Nakamura and Doug Wamble.

As I sat there, waiting for the show to begin. I brainstormed titles for this entry - perhaps "Melting like Butter" or "Gabe Bondoc." But as I saw crowds cheering and girls swooning I wondered what kind of people these musicians really were. I know Gabe is a nominal Christian but I wondered how his passion for the Lord compared to his passion for fame and music.

I started thinking of how public figures tout the Christian label to be relatable. Many musicians, celebrities, politicians, claim to be Christian. It's a good move because it appeals to a large demographic. Not that I can judge anyone's spirituality, but I have to say, I was rather put off with Mr. Bondoc after this line of thinking. Wasn't melting very much during the whole performance. He's definitely a talented guy. I can affirm that even more after seeing him live. But the whole time I was thinking of Ecclesiastes and how money and fame are all vanity in the end.

Also made me think of Proverbs 20:6 - "Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man?"

After going to Berkeley I've met a number of intelligent people who are well-off and talented because you have to have resources and extra-curricular activities to get in. I've also met a fair amount who are the "whole package" - smart, wealthy, talented, social and good-looking. After a while they're just a dime a dozen to me. God's given tons of people these blessings, quite a few have them all and I find it all unimpressive. But what is rare is someone with character. That's hard to find.

-_- Yes. I have a scattered mind. Other people think of these things at concerts right?

Thanks for the info and ride Christine! The artists were great and I like events that unexpectedly make me think of life.

P.S. Don't you like the pictures? <3

Adventures in So Cal

So Cal has been different in a good way. It feels like vacation - being well fed and spending time with old friends. Highlights were spending time with my mom <3, seeing Kooza (Cirque du Soleil), and visiting Cornerstone Bible Church. Seeing old friends has been SO refreshing. There's an understanding and comfort that's unique to when I'm with them. No need to put up a front because after 8 years there aren't a lot of struggles that are surprising. It's like "oh yeah, I knew you struggled with that." Funny how most sins are a life long battle. We become better fighters, but it's a battle to the death (good thing we win in the end).

After being in So Cal for a few days, I realize I'd much rather live in Nor Cal. There's a charm to all the trees and mom and pop cafes. I also feel the impulse to shop and focus on the way I look. I'm already more vain and superficial than I'd like to be so there's no need to put myself in this kind of environment. Personally, I like being a so cal girl in a nor cal environment. It makes me different. I like to be perceived as trendy and well-dressed, but not as high-maintenance and superficial. If only I could have all the pros and none of the cons in life. Life would be so much easier...

Went to Hollywood with Catie today. One of my best friends from high school and one of the most passionate people I know. Passionate about everything - God, school, design, guitar, etc. It's contagious. I realize that zealous people are the ones that make a difference and impact others. This is true in looking for jobs too. Everyone has skills, was the president of some club, went to a good school, blah, blah, blah. People follow others who are passionate. That's what sets you apart.

I think I used to be more free spirited and passionate in high school. What happened to that girl? I feel like she's been muffled. Bah, I'm determined to bring her back. At the same time, it's important to make sure things don't become idols and we make first priorities first. I leave with this illustration from Donald Miller which relates this message in a very smart way. Plus, it has bunnies in it <3 http://www.donaldmillerwords.com/images/DonRabbit.pdf

Let's give this a shot...

Finally decided to create one - partly because I want to learn how to use social media, partly because it could be a good way to keep in touch. So let's give this a shot :) Hopefully, I don't embarrass myself in the process, although it's a very likely outcome.

One thing I intend to do with this - to be honest and uninhibited. Don't know if that's the most proper and appropriate choice. Perhaps I should censor myself more, give up some freedom for the sake of others who may read this. But I don't know... I've always had this crazy obsession with honesty and people who just say it like it is. I guess it's because I feel like I have nothing to hide. So let's be honest - when it comes down to it, I'm a downright despicable, crazy sinner! Yes, my thoughts and motives are all wrong and twisted most of the time.

But I feel like presenting ourselves in a different way can be deceptive. Deceptive to ourselves and others and I'm always left wondering why we do this. Personally, when I'm less specific, when I try to present myself better, I do it out of fear of man. I want people to think well of me so I'll be vague. Vague about hardships, vague about my sin. And I'm very good at making myself sound holier by using spiritual language too. It's a shame because it makes me less honest with my depravity, less honest in front of God, and less honest in front of people. So my inhibition is often a counter to this.

I've also experienced the most encouragement and sharpening when I let my guard down, let myself be vulnerable and just say how I feel. Not because what I say is right but because I can see my folly more clearly. Reminds me of Psalms - David doesn't just express what is true and what he should think, he's actually really emotional. If he feels discouraged, abandoned, like the Lord is far away, he says so. BUT, he always brings it back to how he should think and what he knows is true - that God if faithful and His promises are true. So I guess it's similar to what I try to do - to say things as they are. Even if I know better, it's not how I'm thinking at this time because there's a gap in what I know and what I believe at the moment. Besides, I'mblessed to go to a church that equips it's members and I'm taught well. So what I struggle with often is not a lack of knowledge but a lack of conviction. So when I confront things in it's raw, uncensored form, I'm better able to see it clearly and counter it. To bring it back to what's true and what the word says. Honesty makes me diagnose more accurately to really show that I need to depend on the Lord.

So I intend for this blog to just present me as I am, with all the blemishes, spelling errors and twisted thinking. Random thoughts on everything that goes through my head whether it's eternal things, worldly things, etc. Hopefully, hopefully, I'll have wisdom though too. Gosh, there's so many verses in Proverbs about guarding our speech and mouth. So that is a serious warning. But I hope people can be refreshed and encouraged by the candidness too. If you think you're sinful you can read my blog and feel better that you are not alone. :D